NETIP - Sept 15th - 2003

NetIPMonday, 15th September
This past month I performed in Philadelphia for a NetIp convention, standing for “Network of Indian Professionals.” It allowed me to take a much-needed break from New York. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to life on the road, but I managed to take some notes and have attached weekend highlights below. Enjoy!

2:11 pm – Missed Amtrak train to Philadelphia. Walked around aimlessly in Penn Station train trying to kill time till the 3:11 train. Bought nachos and spilt cheese on myself. Extra shirts are at the bottom of my bag. Good job, Tarun. Great start. Really terrific.

4:30 pm – Arrived in Philly. Walked to Loews Hotel. (Lady at train station said it’s only four blocks. Four blocks or four neighborhoods?) Bs conversation with hotel concierge. “Hi, I’m the comic.” “No seriously, who are you.” “I’m the comic.” “Ha-ha. Very funny. Who are you?” “I’m a computer-engineer person who is here for a networking seminar.” “Ok. Your room is 4b, 17th floor.”

5:15 pm- Moment of truth. In a few hours I have to go downstairs and entertain a large group of strangers. Feel weird doing this outside a controlled environment of a comedy club. I reason that a comic lives in a comedy club similar to a penguin in Antarctica. Some penguins live in zoos where they are forced to adapt. This is my new mantra… “I am penguin… I am a penguin.”

6:00 pm- Hour till show time. Got burger at Hardrock Café. Strangely, this Hard Rock Café is a lot better than the one in New York. Perhaps there is some inverse equation to explain it all. The smaller the town, the better the Hard Rock Café. Note to self: check out Hard Rock Café in Crofton, Nebraska.

9:00 pm- Got off stage at 8:30. No complaints although the list of requirements I sent to NetIp director were not followed. E.g. No stage lights. Attempting to find better light, I jumped off stage and performed on the floor with the audience. I think the person in the front row thought I was moving in to attack her. That would be something. “You’re not laughing. Now I will strangle you with this microphone wire.” Would never do that, too many witnesses.

12:30 am - NetIp after party. A.K.A. ‘Hook up with a girl and pray for chemistry so you don’t have to get an arranged marriage’ party. Giving the pretty girl by the entrance a card is ok, but the bathroom attendant? Show restraint! My game is a bit rusty. Only shot is to hang out and wait to get recognized for my amazing stand-up comedy performance. A girl approaches “Hey, aren’t you….” Yes! YES! GO ON! “Aren’t you the guy that puked on the dance floor…” Sure, why not. “I am. I think I have one business card left… ”

5:05 am - Silence. I sit by the big board that has all the train times on it 'Amtrak 412 to Boston 5:15 am – ON TIME.' Unbelievably quiet. Reminds me of something I heard when I was a kid, ‘If a comic is stabbed and screams in a train station at 5 o’clock in the morning and no one is around to hear it, does he make a sound?” Two family members would be viewing my open casket: “He was so young.” “Yes, but look at that nacho cheese stain on his shirt. How hard is it to use a napkin?” 
Tarun ShettyComment