2004 Fanmail/Hatemail - Jan 17th 2005

2004 Fanmail/ HatemailMonday, 17th January
Happy 2005! Hooray!

This past year, I’ve received a lot of e-mails from people asking about what showbiz life is like in Hollywood. I don’t respond to 99% of them because one, I don’t have time. Secondly, no offense, but I’m not comfortable having relationships with people I don’t know via e-mail. So to commemorate 2004, I’ve taken a few e-mails out of my account and have responded. These are actual e-mails. If this is your e-mail, please don’t sue or write me another letter. After all, I have changed your name and I will post any complaint letters next month. 

Dear Tarun,

I saw you at the NetIP convention in Philadelphia. Thanks so much for coming. I really enjoyed your performance. I am not into Indian guys but you are really good looking. One question, Is there a Mrs. Shetty in your life? If not, are open to a blind date? When are you coming to NY?


Cynthia X
New York, NY

Dear Cynthia,

Thanks for your letter. I was actually living in NY when I performed at NetIp and stayed there for another 2 years so you probably should have checked my website calendar. Secondly, yes, I am single, but I am really not that good looking and have had incredible amounts of plastic surgery. As for marrying me, sure, why not? Let’s get married. E-mail me the info (place, time) and I will be there.

Your future lover,


Dear Tarun,

Yo dog, you were the s*** at that Indian Masala show at New York Comedy Club. That show f*cking sucked till you came on. I never seen a desi comic b4. How long you been doin this for. You must get all the p*ssy dog. When are you coming to RIJ? Thanks for making fun of my friend Sanjeet (we sat in the front right next raz freak). do you remember? Hit me up 917-***-****.

-- Prassad
Queens, NY

Dear Prassad,

Thanks for your letter. Yes, I do remember you. You sat in the front and talked the entire time. Um, thanks. To answer your question, I’ve been doing this about seven years. Also, I have no idea what RIJ is so I will probably be there sometime next week. Also, didn’t I talk to you after the show? You were very trashed. Peace out ‘dog’.




You came to NJIT last Saturday. You were awful. Two words: Quit comedy.

Trenton, NJ

Dear Mick,

Thank you for your kind words of support.


Dear Tarun,

I typed in “Shetty” into Google and your webpage came up. Do you ever perform in India? I’ve never heard of you. What movies have you been in? Have you met Sunil Shetty? Do you like Bollywood movies? Where can I buy or rent your movies? My friends have never heard of you either and I’m guessing you’re a United States star. Come back home. We need you here. FYI, your webpage needs more journal entries and pictures.

Bombay, INDIA

Dear Sanjay,

Thanks for visiting my webpage. You sure like to ask questions and I will answer all of them. No, I don’t perform in India, I’ve never been in a movie, I’ve never met Sunil Shetty, I don’t like Bollywood Movies, you’ll be able to rent a Tarun Shetty movie by 2006 at your local Blockbuster. The United States is my home so I’m afraid you’ll have to come here. And I agree, my webpage does need more pictures and journal entries. Send me some pictures and journal entries and I’ll be sure to post them.



Dear Tarun,

Who is your favorite comic? What Nickelodeon Show were you on? I can’t find it! Where can I see you on TV?

Manhattan NY

Dear Dan,

I like this guy named Warren Hutcherson who now exec produces the Bernie Mac Show. He’s really funny. Chappelle was good about seven years ago. I don’t watch too much stand-up nowadays and just try to do my own thing.

I did stand-up on a now cancelled program called “Laugh Out Loud” where they mixed kids trying to do comedy with professionals. Look for me on other cancelled shows and programs nobody watches such as “Wild Wild Web” on CBS, Country Music Television “40 Greatest Done Me Wrong Songs,” and the Independent Film “Guns Don’t Kill.”


Dear Tarun,

You came to Unversity of San Diego last week. My friends and I had a great time and hope you can come back. I’d like to do comedy and am not sure how to get started. (my parents will kill me) Could you give me some advice?

Any help would be appreciated,

San Bernidino, CA

Dear Stan,

Thank you very much for having me. If you want to do comedy, the most important thing is to get on stage consistently and write as much as you can. Comedy is fun. It’s very political and I’ve met a lot of people I could do without, but it’s the process of getting better and developing that will keep you going.

My parents almost killed me too, which is why they live in NH, and I live in Hollywood. I suggest having a normal job and doing this as a hobby. If you keep working hard, things will fall into place and you’ll be able to quit your job and do comedy more full time. (Which is where I am now.) I’m not sure what happens after that, but so far I’m pretty happy how things have turned out.

See you,

Tarun ShettyComment