Formal Apology - Oct 23rd - 2006

Formal Apology to YJP ConventionMonday, 23rd October
Dear YJP Convention,

I’m taking this months journal entry to formally apologize for the Oct 14th performance at the Hyatt Regency. I know that I don’t have to apologize because I was in fact, extremely funny, but I also realize that about 48% of the audience wanted to kill me. I figure that I owe a couple apologies to a few people and would like to make amends.

Apology #1

First I want to apologize to the person who booked me. I heard you may not have been happy with the performance. A friend who I brought to the show conveyed to me that you looked ‘distraught’ when I called this the ‘worst singles convention I have ever seen.’

Here’s an optimistic way of looking at this. Singles conventions are pretty bad with lots of hopeless people. However, everyone at WJP looked very attractive and full of life. So by me calling it ‘the worst singles convention’ I was actually saying how great everything is and was paying a complement to your gala! Pretty cool! You are welcome! :)

Apology #2

Sorry to guy in the gray shirt sitting in the front row. I know I talked to you many times over the course of my show. Half way through my set I jumped off stage and ran around the room doing my act. I went to shake your hand, and instead of reciprocating you looked at me like you were going to stab me with your fork. Well, I want to let you know that you have won 1000 tickets to all my comedy shows. That’s right! You get to watch me 1000 more times! Congratulations!

Apology #3

I would like to apologize for telling a bunch of ‘non-truths’ during the course of the night. First, I was not paid ‘6 million dollars’ as stated in my act. The correct figure is 3 million dollars, which I have donated to setting up college scholarships for Native Americans. Also, you were not the ‘greatest audience I had ever performed to.’ Although I did enjoy my time with you, collectively, as an audience, I would probably rate you #986 out of about 5000 shows, which is still pretty good.

Anyways, I hope we settled our differences. I love Jain people and have the highest respect for your community. I look forward to performing at next years YJP Convention and hope to see you all there.

Your friend,

Tarun ShettyComment