Fan/Hatemail... Mostly Hate - March 29th - 2006
|FAN/HATEMAIL.... MOSTLY HATE||Wednesday, 29th March|
|Here's a bunch of e-mails people have written to me over the past three months. If you want to see your letter on my webpage with a reply from yours truly, please send all mail to firstname.lastname@example.org|
Saw you at Brewco tonight. Thanks for the laughs.
Thanks for the totally banal and unoriginal fan mail.
I saw you perform at the midnight show at the Comedy District last Friday night. I was a big fan of your show on Showbiz India extreme and for all the hype I heard about your stand-up. I was not impressed. You did not try, your hair was a mess, you slurred your words and seemed like you were drunk. As one of the few South Asians comedians, I think you represent us in the entertainment community, and it is a shame that a fine talent such as yourself gave the audience such a subpar performance. I hope you realize that I am a comedy fan in general and think you have lots of potential to be great. Plan on seeing you at the Improv on the 13th. Take care,
You’re right, you’re right, you’re right. My hair ‘was a mess’ on Friday. Let me explain. I got like 6 hours of sleep the night before, I looked in the mirror in the morning and was completely shocked when I saw my hair. (I’ve been trying to grow it out for the past year, and it’s been hard to manage) Immediately, I tried to comb it down, but it wouldn’t stay. I don’t know why. Maybe I slept on it wrong. Anyway, I have this baseball cap. It’s like camouflage, and I wear it sometimes because it makes me feel cool. I wore it for most of the day and it did a good job hiding my hair. But then at the end of the day when I took off my cap, my hair was even more messy! You can imagine the sense of panic and fear I experienced. I had a show in twenty minutes, and hate wearing baseball caps on stage because I’m always fidgeting with it. So, as you saw on Friday, I went up with messy hair. It was a decision I’ll probably regret for the rest of my life. I sincerely apologize to you and your family.
You are sooo funny! Are you single? Check out my myspace profile at xxxxxxxxxxxx. Don’t worry, I am not a stalker.
I am single!!! And we’re both on myspace! I guess this is destiny!!!
Tarun aka Future Lover
We tried to get you here at the University of Utah, but your booking manager, Peter, is a complete p**** and made the event completely unaffordable. We are an ISA (Indian Student Association) and don’t have any money in our budget. We’d love to get you down here. Can you cut us a deal?
This is a general response to all college kids. If I had a billion dollars I would tour the country and perform for free. There’s nothing more important to me than promoting the arts at ISA’s and encouraging young people to follow their dreams. Peter told me about your situation, and I decided that after travel fees, hotel, management fees, I simply couldn’t afford to do this show. Nothing personal. I love you.
Dear Tarun Shetty,
GREATTHANKSFORSHARING.PLEASEUSETHESPACEBARKEYFORFUTUREE-MAILSALSO I THINKYOURCAPSLOCKBUTTONISONTARUNSHETTY
Hey man, we loved your show yesterday (Riverside). Is all that stuff true? How do I get into stand-up? Is it ok to use other people’s jokes? Please keep me updated when your CD comes out and add me to your mailing list.
Thank-you very much. Um, I’m not planning to record a CD anytime soon, but now that you mentioned it, maybe I will. You are officially added to my mailing list. 78% of my material is true. If you want to do stand-up, you should probably see a therapist and get your head examined. After that, if you still want to do stand-up, I suggest writing material, going to an open mike, signing up and performing. And yes, you should steal as many jokes as possible and pretend like it’s yours. Other comics will probably get mad and physically hurt you, but you should always strive to be totally unoriginal. This will keep you off lame TV shows and keep away annoying opportunities that will make you a real comic. Thank you very much for your support.